I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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