Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
