I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
