doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
My bed smells like the plague
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
