am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
