its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
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