Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
