His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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