I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
