I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
