You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize