I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
