Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
