dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
