i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
