When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
