my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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