i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize