This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
We have so much sex to catch up on
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
