Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
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Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
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Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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