im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
