Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
