I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
my sisters under your porch take her home
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Randomize
