Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
