he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize