i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
