just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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