Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
