After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
