No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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