Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
