Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
