I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
