i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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