Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
