i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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