When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
