She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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