I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
