you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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