so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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