How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
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