Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I have aggressive nipples.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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