i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
