Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
