Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
