im drinking this country out of the recession.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
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Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
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Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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