I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
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stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
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That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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