theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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