Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
