did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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