How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
