Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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