Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
