my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
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Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
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You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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