u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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