Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
