he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
