Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize