you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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