My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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